Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
