Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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