He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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