im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
