it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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