new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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