the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
