the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
