Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
