yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
