looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
