My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
