But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
