Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
