i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
