there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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