pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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