How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
