I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
