I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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