I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
