sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Say something about gay babies.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
