i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
