I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
