did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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