i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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