u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
