I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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