I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
