I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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