Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
