I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
