I am in a vortex of obligation.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
