So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
