East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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