I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
