I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
