I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
