I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
