i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
