Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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