You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
