It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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