Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
