Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
