her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
