i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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