Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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