I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
