I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
