I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
