yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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