Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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